this week my husband is on a juice cleanse.
he’s a 6’4, 230-pound new jersey-bred crossfitter with a beard and tats. not exactly what you’d imagine for a woo-woo juice cleanse.
i however, am a venice beach yoga teacher that tries to eat healthy and practice just about every day, and i cannot last eight hours without eating.
we did our first juice cleanse in january. matt was fine the entire time – worked out every day, eyes sparkling, tons of energy, bouncing around the house. i was laying on the floor, bitching and moaning, running into stuff and could hardly make it through teaching my own yoga class, let alone take one. after that, i said never again. i didn’t feel exceptional afterward and just felt bloated and puffy.
on monday matt came home with his four days of juices and he’d picked me up a one-day juice cleanse. ah, hell. i can do ONE day, right? apparently not. by 4 pm i was texting my friend rachelle and telling her i was on my way to california chicken cafe to get a salad. just not happening.
i do have willpower. my diet is comprised of mostly greens, healthy fats and proteins. i’ve completed whole30 twice (for those that don’t know that’s no gluten, sugar, dairy, alcohol and, in our case, caffeine for 30 days) and felt amazing. i can give up things for the week. i can eat vegan even. but i cannot consume only juice. (okay cannot is strong. i’ve done it once. i just strongly disliked it.)
so today is day 3 for my beloved. he’s going strong. i had nachos and wine after yoga with my girlfriend last night.
but i only had one glass.
if there’s anyway to describe life right now it’s full. and it’s most certainly not just mine.
just this morning we got together for a little diner breakfast send-off for ashley who is heading to uganda for the next couple of months.
and the rad part is that all of us are in that space of doing really cool things and the even better part is that we are radically supporting the hell out of one another.
friday night after much vino and sunshine, a few of us sat in my living room talking about just that. i grew up pretty terrified of other girls, and my friends agreed that they felt the same way. being “supportive” was just about as foreign to me as the ocean in small town iowa, and when i look back at that, it makes me sad. when i got to college, i was surprised at how nice girls could be, but definitely still scared and very unwilling to make myself vulnerable to anyone that could hurt me. you can imagine just how much fun that was..! it took up so much precious energy too.
turning thirty in just a few months has made me look back at these different stages of my life, of myself, and i feel almost jumpupanddown grateful to be where i am. yes, of course, i still feel weird tinges of jealously or bitchiness for no apparent reason, but now i check myself. “what the hell is this about?” on some days and other days i ask myself more compassionately. and then i work to take a big leap in the direction of vulnerability. that’s where all the juiciness lives. that’s where my friendships are flourishing.
at one point a few months ago a friend of mine and i had a big ol’ ah-ha moment where we both realized that we had completely different stories about one another playing in our heads. those stories were creating this almost hilariously huge wall between us – i couldn’t see her; she couldn’t see me. hell, we couldn’t even shout over it. once we figured that out, and uncovered it, the darkness of it all just sort of vanished. it almost became funny and is especially funny now, that we have become extremely close and collaborative.
if something or someone scares you, good! dig in. get juicy. have a cry. uncover the story. and then have a hell of a good laugh over it, and perhaps a glass of wine. all we can hope for is to become more and more ourselves in this lifetime and be surrounded by those who support it.
(thanks to all of my inspiring friends who love my light and dark, laugh and cry with me, and share many good bottles of wine. i love you.)
in one of the goal coaching sessions i did with lululemon, i was asked to write a ten year vision for my life. (this is the just the first part. i may share the rest of it in a later post but it’s quite revealing!)
“it is a sunny but cool afternoon. i am under a low tree on my yoga mat barefoot scribbling in a notebook while our two children and our bulldog play in the garden nearby. from inside there’s the smell of spicy quinoa and the sound of rich jazz as matt prepares a delicious sunday lunch.
our friends will be arriving shortly with their own kiddos and dogs to eat from our garden around a huge farm table with low slung italian lights above our heads. the table will be covered with bottles of wine and plates to share and crayons for the kids who are doodling all over the butcher paper.
we have spent the morning at the farmers’ market with the kids on bikes and skateboards. we picked up all sorts of deliciousness and peonies for every room.”
even when i read it now (i wrote it over a year ago) it lights me up. i wrote it before i was engaged to matt. before we had this amazing little house in venice (was such a nervous wreck while we were looking for it convinced we wouldn’t find anything. a complete psychopath.) before we’d had the most amazing wedding. before we’d worked really, really hard on our relationship to get this place of major respect and understanding.
so yesterday when i was sitting on my yoga mat at just about the time in the afternoon i had pictured, under a tree, with my notebook, getting kisses from my bulldog and watching my husband (still feels crazy to say!) work in the yard i thought, “i’m here.” right in the middle of that dream i’d written. not exactly how i’d described above (thank god, not ready!) but the time before the kiddos and perhaps another bulldog. everything else is in place – the enchanting backyard, the unbelievably rich friendships we’ve developed, our little home. i just wanted to stay right there on my yoga mat soaking in it all. with all of the chaos of the past year, i hadn’t even realized i am already here.
what’s the best part of your day?
morning cuddles and bailey licks.
what inspires you?
people who are living their truth, and making a difference in the world. people who do not succumb to societal norms and are willing to live outside the box, regardless of how it may be perceived. people who do something with their time, success, finances, and give back to the world. smiles, children playing, humility, patience, traveling and adventuring to some unknown place, people in love, individuals with depth and soul, artists and dancers. love inspires me. nature. the ocean. the wind blowing. birds chirping. a starry night. all the beautiful souls behind innovation africa, one of the organizations that the the neshama project supports. people who have overcome obstacles and choose to stay resilient, and grow, even in the face of pain and tragedy. my brother and sister. mary beth. all my soul sisters from around the world who bless my life and make me feel rich with love and support. zeno mountain farm, a camp for adults with special needs that i regularly volunteer at. oh man, i can keep going and going! and you know what, i’m gonna say something that i normally wouldn’t, but what the hell, i inspire me!! and thank god for that!
your favorite trip.
traveling with meaning and purpose to some unchartered territory. learning about different cultures, communities, and ways of living. talking to locals, eating new foods, experiencing life though their world, no plan, no map, all trust and magical unfoldments. and since i call myself a hippie in heels my ideal trip would be a good mix of camping in nature-no makeup, minimal showering (dont judge me! you know you want to do it too!!) then followed by massages and champagne at a swanky hotel (lots of showers and hot tub action). not too much to ask for, right? forever a hippie in heels!
what’s your ideal sunday?
no plan. bike ride adventure. champagne brunch with the ladies followed by a ping pong game (i just recently bought a ping pong table that currently resides in my backyard. i am hard core about my pong! and yes, after i win, i have a “ping pong champion” dance! ) running into friends. hike/yoga. allowing the magic of the day to unfold. sunshine kisses and belly laughter. time spent with my pup, bailey, and the people that i love most in my life.
your favorite words of wisdom.
“everything happens for a reason.” my aunt likes to share this story: when i was nine years old, after my mom passed away, she was tucking me into bed one night and consoling me, and i apparently looked up at her with my big blue eyes and a smile, and said in hebrew “gam zu latova,” meaning “everything happens for a reason.” and i still believe this today with all my heart. you never know why someone has entered your path, or why this challenge or triumph is showing up. i take comfort in knowing that everything happens for a reason; it all adds to the tapestry that highlights the bigger picture of why we are all here.
when do you feel most “you?”
on my yoga mat. being with my friends who just “get me.” and dancing wildly with my eyes closed, not caring at all what i look like.
what fulfills you?
the neshama project. teaching and practicing yoga. having meaningful conversations and interactions with people. listening to others, complimenting random strangers, and making people smile.
your favorite outfit.
a long flowy dress, some bangles on my wrist, and my hamsas close to my heart.
what’s on your ipod?
flight facilities, blackmill, owlle (a song called “ticky ticky” just does it for me every time), death cab for cutie, rhye, pink floyd, ellie goulding, poolside, anthony valadez, bon iver, radiohead and little dragon!
five things you love
1. my outlook on life, my heart, my past, my bright future, and deep connection to something Greater.
2. my family, soul sisters, friends, and ever growing community around the world.
3. the neshama project. for all the lessons i am learning in what it means to start a business from my heart, and how it continues to connect me with people from all walks of life around the world.
4. yoga. it is my lifestyle and permeates throughout everything that i do in the world. i have been enjoying teaching more than ever before. i think it is due to being more comfortable in my own skin.
5. my soulmate who happens to be in the form of a fluff ball goldendoodle puppy, bailey. we just get each other. she makes me smile none-stop and reminds me to pause and play, and what unconditional love feels like.
it’s a good sign when i keep wanting to continue writing more and more things that i love… i am a lucky lady!
how you feel in one word today.
grateful. very grateful. (i know that was three, but i felt the need to emphasize the gratefulness!)
being stuck inside with a head cold and a pinched nerve (what a combo!) for the past few days has inspired me to do some spring dreaming.
our star jasmine all along the back gate has begun to bloom, our fruit tree is producing left and right and our backyard has taken on a bit of a rainforest vibe.
what else in on my mind?
wine drinking on the back patio / camping with friends (maybe some baja surfing/tecate action, miss collins??) / hiking in the morning / morning outdoor yoga practice in my skivvies / doors and windows open all the damn time / sundresses and sandals / fresh flowers / sunday night dinner parties and barbecuing / photographing venice
sunshine + saltwater + sand between my toes = california girl bliss. as my friend nicole says, if i get in the ocean in the morning i will be happy with myself for the rest of the day. planning on putting my super thick wet suit to use this winter!
“the cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea.”
- isak dinesen