i was on a call with martha beck last night and she said this:
“it’s as simple as this: play until you feel like resting. rest until you feel like playing.”
monday, when i wrote my last post, i was in a bad place. life and death bad? of course not, but it was just one of those days where i couldn’t quite get out of my head and just felt like a big ol’ BLAH! (exclamation mark included.) after i spilled the words and got my truth out, i felt immensely better. the ironic part? after writing about not wanting to go to yoga, i really wanted to. i went, i sweated, laughed with a girlfriend and felt a whole helluva lot better. i walked home slowly, taking some back streets and just took it in. i had been stuck on repeat for the past few days, and needed to shake it up.
that’s why i absolutely loved what martha said last night. play. rest. rest. play some more. move at your own rhythm. a rhythm that varies every single day.
just ask yourself in this moment:
is it time to rest? or time to play?
then get out of your own way!
“there is no secret to balance. you just have to feel the waves.”
— frank herbert
in my mind my return from my honeymoon went something like this:
arrive back from thailand tan, peaceful and super duper disciplined. hit the ground running. eat kale for, like, every single meal. go to yoga every day; maybe twice. perhaps even take up running.. on the beach.. in shorty shorts. get rid of cable and read. be done with wedding thank yous just by looking at them. drink less wine. volunteer.
in reality, it’s gone a bit more like this:
arrive home jet lagged as a mofo. eat pizza in airport after swearing i was done with gluten forever after my last pad thai. catch up on all the “game of thrones” episodes. finish shantaram (success!). eat every single thing i was craving before my wedding but would not let myself eat due to wedding photos. be really, really enamored with my husband and my bulldog (yay! a good thing!).
even today while eating a bagel with lox (another thing i was dying for) i googled:
oprah gave me some advice. so did about.com’s fitness guru. a random blogger or two. then i called my mom, and said, “what the hell is wrong with me?!!”
“of course you are tired,” she said. “your dad and i have been tired for a month and it wasn’t even our wedding.”
how could i be tired? i’ve been on vacay for three weeks. but you know what? i am. i believe i’ve got a case of wedding hangover.
so instead of beating myself up because i’m not doing all the kale-eating and downward dogging i thought i should be right now, i’m going to give myself a little leeway. in the past year i’ve gotten engaged, moved into a new house, outfitted said house, planned a wedding, made a bunch of career shifts&leaps and then got hitched. and life will keep coming in easy waves and tidal waves, and i’ll come back around. i always do.
the beauty of the ebb and flow.
pass me a bagel please.
my apologies while i’m a bit absent for the next month or so! soaking up these last couple of weeks before our wedding at the historic santa margarita ranch, then heading to thailand with my husband(!) for the rest of april.
will be back in full-force in may, and cannot wait to share so much! i will be blogging a lot (for reals) and launching my blissed living online workshops this summer.
“so build yourself as beautiful as you want your world to be. wrap yourself in light then give yourself away with your heart, your brush, your march, your art, your poetry, your play. and for every day you paint the war, take a week and paint the beauty, the color, the shape of the landscape you’re marching towards. everyone knows what you’re against; show them what you’re for.”
- andrea gibson, evolution
matt travels a lot for work. sometimes when he takes off it’s like a little retreat all of my own – lots of yoga, dinner with girlfriends, vino and movies, face masks galore. it’s awesome. unfortunately this is not one of those weeks.
instead i am having one of those weeks where my health isn’t amazing (more on this later, still waiting on a diagnosis), i am feeling needy as hell and a little stressed. yep, i too have weeks like this. big time.
yesterday after teaching, i headed to a doctor’s appointment in beverly hills. i got a little lost which is not surprising or even frustrating because i’m so used to it. then couldn’t get the bathroom open without a key since the valet had it (did you know that some doors open with any key? i was baffled.) lastly, the doctor, though really charming, pretty much discounted everything that was going on in my body then pricked me with more needles (and not in that oohifeelsomuchbetter acupuncture way.) i burst into tears in the car. nothing bad had actually happened. it was just gloomy, it cost me $12 to park my damn car and matt wasn’t around.
when i finally got home, i unrolled my yoga mat in front of the fireplace and just sat down. i practiced for awhile, then laid on my yoga mat and read my book. eventually some thai food arrived and i sat there and ate on my yoga mat. then i turned on “the following” and watched that still on my yoga mat. rosy joined me.
my little life raft right there in the middle of the living room.
i spent a couple of hours yesterday on our back deck wrapped in a blanket with a pot of lapsang souchong tea and books piled high. after not reading anything but smut for a couple of months (seriously. since we got cable i forgot how to read. despicable.) i hit the ground running with danielle laporte’s desire map, anne lamott’s some thoughts on faith and another lil’ gem called if the buddha married.
i read blogs like it’s my job but it has definitely been awhile since i have sat and dug deep into some mind-expanding, life-altering books, and all of these books are most certainly that.
what are you reading these days?
a few of my fave parts so far with more to come:
hit snooze a few times this morning. perfect rainy morning to do so. i stayed up late watching girly shows and drinking some red wine, part of the time with my close girlfriend nicole. she’s been in new york city for work the past week or so, and i left a few days before her for switzerland.
the second she walks in the door and sits down, she just looks at me and says, “so how are you?” and in that question there are worlds, and she’ll sit to hear them all. and then the tables turn, i ask the very same thing. next thing you know a couple hours have passed, a bottle of wine is gone, and a lot of healing is completed.
i grew up terrified of girls. it was small town iowa. i was really dorky then not so dorky, and no matter what, girls were never people i trusted. seriously, none of them. looking back, it’s not their fault, that’s just the way it was then and there, and i probably wasn’t worth trusting either. when i finally got to college, with the exception of a couple of crazies, i was in the clear. i remember standing in a bathroom line at a bar and a girl telling me she liked my shirt. i’m sure i looked at her skeptically waiting for something really nasty to slip out of her mouth next. but, nope, it didn’t, and if i recall correctly we were pretty good friends my freshman year.
the past couple of years, especially 28 and 29 and i know it will only continue, i have needed my girlfriends, whether we are sitting around the table with vino, or talking across the country. i have never had more questions (them either), i have never been able to give more answers.
“friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another: ‘what? you too?! i thought i was the only one.’”
- cs lewis
this morning seemed as though it was off to a strong start – nine hours of sleep, a good class with one of my private clients and coffee with a friend. i had gotten a pretty awesome parking spot on abbott kinney and even said to my friend, “man, isn’t it amazing how easy it is to park here?”
fast forward to three hours later, after i’d gotten a phone call that one of my corporate classes had been temporarily put on hold due to funds, i pull up to the house and lo’ and behold – a parking ticket on the windshield of my car. somehow i’d missed it earlier.
it was actually pretty funny. i had gone as far as to comment on the amazing parking spot, while looking at my car, and hadn’t noticed. (in my defense, it was wedged pretty far down the windshield). oh, and the spot was good but not “75 bucks good.” the $2 coffee was pretty yummy though.
so i put on my converse, grabbed rosy’s leash and we spent a good half hour running around in the park and then lying on our backs looking up at the blue sky.
and that’s the way you turn a crap day right around.
i’ve been a little quiet over here, and it’s because i’ve been thoroughly enjoying life – the last few days of my brother’s visit, naps on the deck, trying a couple of new classes, barbecues with friends. it’s the first time i can remember in awhile that i’ve been pretty disconnected from the internet, and, for now, it feels really good. i’ve got a bunch of ideas brewing so i’ll be back soon. xo