it’s funny – sometimes words come so easily; they just flow. other times i must force every moment i spend writing. i’m in one of those slumps.
lots of stuff is brewing under the surface. many big shifts in my life are happening – my career, my outlook, my relationship – and all are calling for me to focus, dive in and, in many ways, grow up.
while at home in iowa this weekend, i found myself spontaneously bursting into tears. spending time in the house i grew up in (that my dad also grew up in) seeing my family and friends i have known since i was little, felt strangely hard. it was as though i finally realized how far away my life was in los angeles. what that means for the future, i’m truly not sure, but i do know that matt and my future requires spaciousness, trees, fresh air and really good people. we have so much of that here in los angeles but it comes at a costly price.
family is the most important thing to me in the world, and it definitely expands beyond the few with which i’m blood related. it’s a tribe that you are drawn to. that inspires you. that teaches you lessons. i have no doubt that i’ll continue to find that wherever we might end up, but right now i feel called to get clear with myself. getting clear isn’t always pretty, and doesn’t always result in tidy blog posts with a “moral of the story.”
today it’s just messy, and from the heart, and that’s okay.
my bachelorette weekend was promptly followed by a weekend of decadence with my honey in las vegas. i haven’t been to las vegas since i was fifteen and honestly i’m more of a jeans and dive bar kinda gal then fancy shmancy club scene but we had an amazing time. it was our last “dating anniversary” and we did it up right with dinner at joel robuchon’s l’atelier (matt has been waiting to eat here for years), a little gambling (i just sit there and enjoy free drinks! definitely not a gambler.) and then out for the quintessential crazy club evening.
the best part?
coming home. as much as we will always be down for a good time and i will always spend a couple of evenings in a pair of stilettos and a hot dress, we love our little family, our little house, our not-so-little dog and our big, beautiful life here in venice.
next stop: marriage. then thailand. and i so cannot wait.
i am lying on my belly on our deck, typing, drinking a cup of decaf, nag champa wafting through the air. i write this post after an hour-long nap, an adventurous walk through our new neighborhood with the pup, and a couple of yoga classes filled with so many great people (especially my yoga class for teens with down syndrome.)
last night i got news that one of my very best friends, ashley, is going to be renting the studio in the very back of our yard starting august 2.
seriously? could this place get any more perfect?
i have fallen madly in love with our new house. it’s not even close to finished but together we are starting to put together the pieces. we’ve bought our couch, a credenza, a bamboo bed frame (with drawers!!) and a glossy white dresser from matt’s friend’s spot, viesso, in santa monica. it’s all being custom made. sweeeet.
we’ve started to pick our paint colors.
our friends have gathered around our brand new picnic table while matt broke in the grill.
rosy has two bulldog friends, winston and stella, who are each just a couple of houses away.
i’ve rolled out my yoga mat on the patio in the morning and enjoyed waking up slowly with the sounds of birds, wind and the smell of the ZILLION flowers in our backyard.
i’ve been especially touched by matt’s attention to every single detail of our house. while at times, he makes me want to scream (i seriously do not want to talk about what color rug we should have in our bedroom at 11:30 at night.) i love how committed he is to building a home. just the other day he said, “you’ve got to understand, babe. i’ve been waiting my whole life to have a home.”
so here we are on indiana avenue – planting, painting, scrubbing, enjoying – our magical little venice cottage. lots of photos and stories to come. a perfect setting for many adventures.
“there is nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”
- mary elizabeth sangster
since decorating a home is TOP of mind for me right now (we are moving TODAY!), i thought i’d post a few of the photos i’ve come across that are inspiring me. i love color. i love light. i love simple touches that make a space YOURS.
i can’t believe i’ll be saying goodbye to our little home in a few days. my mama arrives today, matt left on a business trip yesterday, things are upside down and turned all around. looking back on our year here, i have to say it’s been more than transformative.
we adopted a little bulldog named rosy.
we made winter soups.
we went thirty days with no gluten, dairy, sugar or alcohol.
we spent an entire rainy day drinking ciders and watching movies.
we got engaged.
we fought and, more importantly, i learned how to fight.
we hosted friends. lots.
home is so important to me. the people in it, the way the light hits the window, the air. i was literally having little panic attacks as we were looking knowing how much my surroundings and my living space affect every single thing.
and then we walked into the house. and there a whole lotta light. a super wonderful landlord that looks like sofia loren. fresh air wafting through. hardwood floors. star jasmine. it just felt right. really like right.
we’re off again. a new home. probably some paint on the walls. a lot of wine spilled on the floor. a little baby eventually.
it’s time to build a home, and i’m so damn ready.
wow, life. i really don’t know what to say. you’ve been really flippin’ good to me lately, and now this. a seriously amazing home in the heart of venice. i promise you we will fill this home with so much love – morning tea, farm table full of friends, an herb garden, evening baths with a glass of wine.
today while matt was finishing signing the lease i just sat on the patio in the sunshine and breathed deep. ocean air, the smell of star jasmine, a big palm tree in the backyard (!), and sweet solitude and quiet. this has reminded me to trust and turn in. we (as in you and i) are truly cared for. love runneth over.
“out in the garden where we planted the seeds
there is a tree as old as me
branches were sewn by the color of green
ground had arose and passed it’s knees.
by the cracks of the skin i climbed to the top
i climbed the tree to see the world
when the gusts came around to blow me down
i held on as tightly as you held onto me
i held on as tightly as you held onto me
’cause, i built a home
to build a home, by cinematic orchestra
(please excuse some sporadic, but hopefully not TOO sporadic posting, over the next month. ya know moving, leading a yoga retreat to costa rica, and planning a wedding has got me a wee bit busy and i want to first make sure i have plenty of quiet time just to savor.)
i’m leaving my home in venice for a few days and heading to whistler, bc, for the lululemon ambassador summit. i am honestly so excited to spend some time away, meeting people who inspire for a living and to spend some time working on myself and where i’m “headed.”
at the same time, i’m not the best at going away. i get a little bit anxious wondering if all of my ducks are in a row, if i packed the right things, if my pup will be okay, if my classes are sufficiently covered. (i am a virgo, you know…)
my friend nicole and i were out the other night, and she said she’s just living from one trip to the next, filling the time in between. i used to try to make myself like that, a whirlwind traveler who was always on the go, but it left me feeling really ungrounded and it just didn’t fit right. i like being home.
that being said, i am so thrilled to explore a new place, new people, new ideas, and i’ll be posting along the way.